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An Open Letter to My Sinuses I would like you to know that I am well aware of the overtime you've been putting in recently. I appreciate your efforts, your hard work and your enthusiasm, and I am pleased that you enjoy your job as my Snot Manufacturer so thoroughly. However, I would like to respectfully ask you to stop. We have plenty of snot for the moment, so you can take a break and stop manufacturing such large quantities at a time. As a matter of fact, I'm finding myself having to dispose of the surplus snot many times throughout any given day. Also, the surplus snot has been affecting morale. The head has been aching, and the other body parts as a whole have shown a decline in their ability to perform their normal daily tasks, such as exercising, cleaning and even getting out of bed. Please remember that it is our goal to function as a team, and that in order to do so, we must show moderation at all times in our overall body fluid production numbers. I'm assuming that your work ethic has perhaps been heightened in the hope of receiving a promotion. You should be aware that all positions for body parts are currently filled, that each part is in good standing, and that I anticipate no new openings in the foreseeable future, as we have virtually no turnover, with the notable exceptions of fingernails, hair and epidermal tissue. So please, keep up the good work that you've been doing, but perhaps you could bring a bit of balance to your enthusiasm for snot-producing. With the advent of spring, your efforts may be better focused on allergen-filtering than the fabrication of more snot. I remain yours respectfully, AL |
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