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Friday
I come back.
Miss you. Kiss. SMS on Oct 13 @ 3.24pm. From: Brazil Boy See, this is the exact kinda thing which I DO NOT need to add to the struggle of backing off at this moment. Just five more days, I tell myself. Everything will be fine once more. Not that things aren't good at the moment, just feels good to finally have a closure for this chapter :) So he's back from Phuket. He had himself so so tanned. Black, almost. He got so badly burnt. Got me a little something which I thought was really sweet of him. ANYWAYS, all I can say now is that he will always remain a good friend to me. Looking forward to the weekend!
Thursday
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid This song always reminds me of my ex. In some ways, he has taught me a lot. He made me wake up to face the many harsh realities in life. I've learnt that nothing in this world is permanent. Nothing is forever. Everything, everyone is prone to changes. People just need to learn to accept it whether you like it or not. It was a love hate relationship. I loved him for the man he was yet hated him for all the pain he has caused. I wonder whether this is a cause-and-effect phenomenon. Sometimes, all it takes is just a little something, a few minutes even, to completely change a person. I've changed. In some ways. For the better. I hope. I have changed. I no longer am the take-it-easy girl I once was. I've grown to question and analyze a lot. Why must it be like this? What is going on here? When? Who's in it? How come? The questions are endless. Careful, I must be. Better safe than sorry, I'd say. Build up the defence walls, I must. And speaking of loading up on defence, I think I might have overloaded in that department. So much as to I've placed myself in the safe zone for far too long now. I have learnt not to allow myself get hurt. If I sense something or someone who could potentially hurt me, I back off. Backing off from someone is an acquired skill. Which is also why I am not feeling so sore as I thought I'd be over Brazil Boy's episode. I've moved on. Which reminds me of a very insightful conversation I had with a friend recently. I think I actually said that if my future bf were to leave me, I can actually look him in the eyes and say "Ok. Go on. See you around." How's that for putting a brave face to the whole situation? I honestly don't know. Some might say that would make me a very cold person. My say: You have to be cold sometimes to protect yourself. So the guy decides to leave. Whatcha gonna do about it? Cry? Beg? Give promises? He's going to leave whether you like it or not. Because I have also learnt that it takes quite a bit for a guy to actually say 'bye' to the relationship. Girls, he has put great amount of consideration and thoughts it in so no matter how much you beg, he's never gonna come back. So which brings us back to "Ok. Go on. See you around." It not only saves you from embarassment, it also keeps your sanity intact. Why pursue something which has lost all its meanings? You might disagree with me. But it is working for me. I've been backing off so much that sometimes it makes me wonder whether when the right opportunity comes a-knocking, will I still be able to step up to it, embrace it and live the moment. Heh. Reflecting and pondering. Pretty deep stuff. Happy digesting!
Tuesday
restlessness n 1: the quality of being ceaselessly moving or active; "the restlessness of the wind" 2: a lack of patience; irritation with anything that causes delay [syn: impatience] 3: a feeling of agitation expressed in continual motion; "he's got the fidgets"; "waiting gave him a feeling of restlessness" [syn: fidget, fidgetiness] 4: inability to rest or relax or be still [syn: uneasiness] The description above: My exact feeling that has been lingering inside for the past one month or so. I wonder how some people can go through every single day doing the s.a.m.e e.x.a.c.t thing over and over again. Just baffles me silly. Keep whining to my friends that I need a New Project. Was at One Utama with a friend recently. This friend, was patient enough to walk into art shops, concept shops and even a D.I.Y shop with me. We were checking out glass paintings, several art projects, and holymoly... I found my Lava Lamp! Finally. Quite nice all of them. But the exact purple hue that I wanted wasn't there. The lady told me to come back in November for new lava lamp stocks. So hurray for major discovery of the day. So yea, New Project ... Where is it? How do I find it? When can I find it? and most importantly... WHAT is the New Project!
Monday
Another natural disaster struck. The earthquake that shattered Pakistan with over 20,000 lives destroyed was really uncalled for. So many innocent lives were robbed away, in matter of seconds. I questioned iGod, hence the conversation below:
Me: Dear God God: I believe in God. Me: Why do you allow disasters like this to happen? God: It was the only thing I could think of. Me: But why??? So many innocent lives were killed God: Reductionism. Ayuh. Which ones? Me: What? God: No problem. Me: So are you planning to take some more? God: Right on. it was my original intention. Since God is so adamant in taking more lives, it got me thinking quite a bit. What if, this were to happen to me... or us? Have you ever thought of what your last precious words might be? And to whom do you want to direct them to? Whose faces that you so loved will then flash before you? So many questions, so much to do, yet so little time. So critical the moment... so overwhelming and daunting at the same time. I will have in my mind, images of people that have somehow impacted my life to this day. Some of you might know who you are. Others, well, I would be really thankful and appreciative for our crossed paths in this journey of life. But most of all, I think I would miss life most of all. Things in life in particular. Things that I have not done. Things that I am about to do. And things that I am working on to see it a success from my very own effort. Random thought of what I would regret not experiencing prior to Death flashing before me: Child labor. Raising a child. Being a parent. Yes, I think that would be it. What would yours be?
Wednesday
Nice song.
Damien Rice * Cannonball Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt Still a little hard to say what's going on Still a little bit of your ghost your witness Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed You step a little closer each day Still I can't say what's going on Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to lie Life taught me to die So it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannonball Still a little bit of your song in my ear Still a little bit of your words I long to hear You step a little closer to me So close that I can't see what's going on Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to lie Life taught me to die So it's not hard to fall When you float like a cannon Stones taught me to fly Love taught me to cry So come on courage! Teach me to be shy 'Cause it's not hard to fall And I don't wanna scare her It's not hard to fall And I don't wanna lose It's not hard to grow When you know that you just don't know
Tuesday
I can't sleep.
I hate this feeling. So much. I wish it would go away. Fast. I wanna drive around. Now.
Monday
Me:
i killed someone God: You had better call the authorities. Me: but i want to kill more God: I believe that killing anything is wrong. Me: but i don't God: Why not? Me: because i think so God: Interesting explanation. I think so too. d a v i d i a n i s m says: please blog it For more conversations with God: igod
Wednesday
I have this thing against bright places.
My eyes just can't tolerate bright white lights, don't know why. I just love places with dim lights. Just like my office. So cosy *mmmm* So I was at One Utama yesterday. Walked past a newly opened shop - Lovely Lace, situated just beside WH or above British India in the new wing. It's quite big. Noticed I mentioned I 'walked past', because the shop is so freakin' bright, it just killed my inquisitive mind of wanting to go in and explore. Same goes for this boutique, XOXO (I think that's the name), situated few shops away from Lovely Lace. I don't blame the owners or anything, it's just self-preferance I guess. Never liked bright places eversince small. Which my mum always comments on how weird I am for having this sort of habit. Anyway, I have another song which I kept replaying and replaying on my Windows Player. Il Divo - Ti Amero. Love it. The haunting melody reflects my exact feelings at the moment - 21 days more to go.
Monday
Foreword: My office has these two people whom one of them controls our budgeting while the other, her Influencer. So the story is this, I was asked to organize our office warming party and I used Mum's Place (in Damansara Perdana) as the caterers. I decided to use them because we used them in my previous company, and MP has a good reputation for serving good food, reasonable pricings and great service. Excerpts from one very amusing Yahoo IM Chat with my colleague: gowrileo1: those 2 donkeys CLASSIC!
Again: Click to Play On
Sunday
I have a question.
Why were the previous two hurricanes named after females? Why not Hurricane George, or Hurricane Bill? Why Katrina and Rita? Why named after human names for all that matters? I wonder how all Katrinas and Ritas in the world are feeling when they read headlines like these: "Rita Rages Over New Orleans" or "Katrina's Wrath" or "Rita's Fury Unleashed" or "Rita Hammers Texas" I, for one wouldn't want a hurricane named after me *shakes head*. No siree. Imagine, Hurricane Angie. Lol. Anyway, I did a little search-a-round, and take a look at these hurricane / cyclone names But I still don't get it. Again, I advertise my other blogspace: Play On
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the author My miniboygirl illustration series intriguedwe should follow the love trail baby, watch me fly diabetic love we turn 2! dance with my baby giffy ride Full collection of this series here: miniboygirl my stories 2008 Nov2008 Oct 2008 Sep 2008 Aug 2008 Jul 2008 Jun 2008 May 2008 Apr 2008 Mar 2008 Feb 2008 Jan 2007 Dec 2007 Nov 2007 Oct 2007 Sep 2007 Aug 2007 Jul 2007 Jun 2007 May 2007 Apr 2007 Mar 2007 Feb 2007 Jan 2006 Dec 2006 Nov 2006 Oct 2006 Sep 2006 Aug 2006 Jul 2006 Jun 2006 May 2006 Apr 2006 Mar 2006 Feb 2006 Jan 2005 Dec 2005 Nov 2005 Oct 2005 Sep 2005 Aug 2005 Jul
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