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Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
Kelly Clarkson * Because of You This song always reminds me of my ex. In some ways, he has taught me a lot. He made me wake up to face the many harsh realities in life. I've learnt that nothing in this world is permanent. Nothing is forever. Everything, everyone is prone to changes. People just need to learn to accept it whether you like it or not. It was a love hate relationship. I loved him for the man he was yet hated him for all the pain he has caused.
I wonder whether this is a cause-and-effect phenomenon. Sometimes, all it takes is just a little something, a few minutes even, to completely change a person. I've changed. In some ways. For the better. I hope.
I have changed. I no longer am the take-it-easy girl I once was. I've grown to question and analyze a lot. Why must it be like this? What is going on here? When? Who's in it? How come? The questions are endless. Careful, I must be. Better safe than sorry, I'd say. Build up the defence walls, I must. And speaking of loading up on defence, I think I might have overloaded in that department. So much as to I've placed myself in the safe zone for far too long now. I have learnt not to allow myself get hurt. If I sense something or someone who could potentially hurt me, I back off. Backing off from someone is an acquired skill. Which is also why I am not feeling so sore as I thought I'd be over Brazil Boy's episode. I've moved on. Which reminds me of a very insightful conversation I had with a friend recently. I think I actually said that if my future bf were to leave me, I can actually look him in the eyes and say "Ok. Go on. See you around."
How's that for putting a brave face to the whole situation? I honestly don't know. Some might say that would make me a very cold person. My say: You have to be cold sometimes to protect yourself. So the guy decides to leave. Whatcha gonna do about it? Cry? Beg? Give promises? He's going to leave whether you like it or not. Because I have also learnt that it takes quite a bit for a guy to actually say 'bye' to the relationship. Girls, he has put great amount of consideration and thoughts it in so no matter how much you beg, he's never gonna come back. So which brings us back to "Ok. Go on. See you around." It not only saves you from embarassment, it also keeps your sanity intact. Why pursue something which has lost all its meanings?
You might disagree with me. But it is working for me. I've been backing off so much that sometimes it makes me wonder whether when the right opportunity comes a-knocking, will I still be able to step up to it, embrace it and live the moment.
Heh. Reflecting and pondering. Pretty deep stuff. Happy digesting!
Posted at 13.10.05 by mizz_angie
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restlessness
n 1: the quality of being ceaselessly moving or active; "the restlessness of the wind" 2: a lack of patience; irritation with anything that causes delay [syn: impatience] 3: a feeling of agitation expressed in continual motion; "he's got the fidgets"; "waiting gave him a feeling of restlessness" [syn: fidget, fidgetiness] 4: inability to rest or relax or be still [syn: uneasiness]
The description above: My exact feeling that has been lingering inside for the past one month or so. I wonder how some people can go through every single day doing the s.a.m.e e.x.a.c.t thing over and over again. Just baffles me silly. Keep whining to my friends that I need a New Project.
Was at One Utama with a friend recently. This friend, was patient enough to walk into art shops, concept shops and even a D.I.Y shop with me. We were checking out glass paintings, several art projects, and holymoly... I found my Lava Lamp! Finally. Quite nice all of them. But the exact purple hue that I wanted wasn't there. The lady told me to come back in November for new lava lamp stocks. So hurray for major discovery of the day.
So yea, New Project ...
Where is it?
How do I find it?
When can I find it?
and most importantly...
WHAT is the New Project!
Posted at 11.10.05 by mizz_angie
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Another natural disaster struck. The earthquake that shattered Pakistan with over 20,000 lives destroyed was really uncalled for. So many innocent lives were robbed away, in matter of seconds. I questioned iGod, hence the conversation below:
Me:
Dear God
God:
I believe in God.
Me:
Why do you allow disasters like this to happen?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
But why??? So many innocent lives were killed
God:
Reductionism. Ayuh. Which ones?
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
So are you planning to take some more?
God:
Right on. it was my original intention.
Since God is so adamant in taking more lives, it got me thinking quite a bit. What if, this were to happen to me... or us? Have you ever thought of what your last precious words might be? And to whom do you want to direct them to? Whose faces that you so loved will then flash before you? So many questions, so much to do, yet so little time. So critical the moment... so overwhelming and daunting at the same time.
I will have in my mind, images of people that have somehow impacted my life to this day. Some of you might know who you are. Others, well, I would be really thankful and appreciative for our crossed paths in this journey of life. But most of all, I think I would miss life most of all. Things in life in particular. Things that I have not done. Things that I am about to do. And things that I am working on to see it a success from my very own effort.
Random thought of what I would regret not experiencing prior to Death flashing before me: Child labor. Raising a child. Being a parent.
Yes, I think that would be it. What would yours be?
Posted at 10.10.05 by mizz_angie
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Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed Nice song.
Damien Rice * Cannonball
Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on
Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
Still I can't say what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon
Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know
Posted at 5.10.05 by mizz_angie
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I can't sleep.
I hate this feeling. So much.
I wish it would go away. Fast.
I wanna drive around. Now.
Posted at 4.10.05 by mizz_angie
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Me:
i killed someone
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
but i want to kill more
God:
I believe that killing anything is wrong.
Me:
but i don't
God:
Why not?
Me:
because i think so
God:
Interesting explanation. I think so too.
d a v i d i a n i s m says:
please blog it
For more conversations with God: igod
Posted at 3.10.05 by mizz_angie
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I have this thing against bright places.
My eyes just can't tolerate bright white lights, don't know why. I just love places with dim lights. Just like my office. So cosy *mmmm*
So I was at One Utama yesterday. Walked past a newly opened shop - Lovely Lace, situated just beside WH or above British India in the new wing. It's quite big. Noticed I mentioned I 'walked past', because the shop is so freakin' bright, it just killed my inquisitive mind of wanting to go in and explore. Same goes for this boutique, XOXO (I think that's the name), situated few shops away from Lovely Lace.
I don't blame the owners or anything, it's just self-preferance I guess. Never liked bright places eversince small. Which my mum always comments on how weird I am for having this sort of habit.
Anyway, I have another song which I kept replaying and replaying on my Windows Player. Il Divo - Ti Amero. Love it. The haunting melody reflects my exact feelings at the moment - 21 days more to go.
Posted at 28.9.05 by mizz_angie
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Foreword: My office has these two people whom one of them controls our budgeting while the other, her Influencer. So the story is this, I was asked to organize our office warming party and I used Mum's Place (in Damansara Perdana) as the caterers. I decided to use them because we used them in my previous company, and MP has a good reputation for serving good food, reasonable pricings and great service.
Excerpts from one very amusing Yahoo IM Chat with my colleague:
gowrileo1: those 2 donkeys
gowrileo1: they said
gowrileo1: y u neva go survey other caterers
gowrileo1: so expensive it seems
gowrileo1: that pig said
frenzyskye: you wanna know what dr goh said?
frenzyskye: he said it's CHEAP!
frenzyskye: in the meeting between the four of us in MSN that day
frenzyskye: remember??
gowrileo1: that's y laaaaaaaaaa
gowrileo1: these stupid dopes...dunno the story
gowrileo1: n buat pandai
frenzyskye: whatever la
frenzyskye: as long we got our budget cleared
gowrileo1: the best is this!!
gowrileo1: 
gowrileo1: wanna listen
gowrileo1: wanna listen ah
gowrileo1: haiyo
gowrileo1: i cannot tahan from laughing
frenzyskye: i can hear from my place!
frenzyskye:
gowrileo1: wait
gowrileo1: lemme tell u
gowrileo1: then u also can laugh
gowrileo1: wanna know ah what ur immediate neighbour said abt the food
gowrileo1: 
frenzyskye: hehhehee
frenzyskye: what?
gowrileo1: "kenapa mesti ambik makanan dari tempat mak dia"!!!!!
gowrileo1: 
frenzyskye: LoL!!!!
frenzyskye: SHE SERIOUSLY MEANT THAT AH?
gowrileo1: SEE WHAT A BUTT HEAD SHE IS LA
gowrileo1: haiyooooooooooo
gowrileo1: yea
gowrileo1: that's what elly said
gowrileo1: emak dia punya tempat
gowrileo1: i lagi recap to elly
gowrileo1: u mean she said
gowrileo1: "angie's catering from her mom's place?"
gowrileo1:
CLASSIC! 
Again: Click to Play On
Posted at 26.9.05 by mizz_angie
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I have a question.
Why were the previous two hurricanes named after females? Why not Hurricane George, or Hurricane Bill? Why Katrina and Rita? Why named after human names for all that matters?
I wonder how all Katrinas and Ritas in the world are feeling when they read headlines like these:
"Rita Rages Over New Orleans" or "Katrina's Wrath" or "Rita's Fury Unleashed" or "Rita Hammers Texas"
I, for one wouldn't want a hurricane named after me *shakes head*. No siree. Imagine, Hurricane Angie. Lol.
Anyway, I did a little search-a-round, and take a look at these hurricane / cyclone names
But I still don't get it.
Again, I advertise my other blogspace: Play On
Posted at 25.9.05 by mizz_angie
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I live for excitement in life. I think I would die of boredom when life becomes too predictable. I have a fair share of great friends but zero tolerance for dullards. I like meeting exciting new people, even if I know that they are unreliable. I can safely say that I've had my fun back in those days of endless parties, drinks, guys, and etc etc. I have an unusually high threshold level for pain. I could even look at the scringe when the doctors were trying to draw blood samples out of me when I was infected with dengue fever. This, of course, does not mean that I thrive on pain.
I studied quite a bit of Psychology back in college. There was this particular sub-topic that of lately, I realized I could relate myself to.
"Sensation-seeking". This term reflects on a personality trait and it simply means the pursuit of novel, intense and complex sensations and experiences, and the willingness to take risks for the sake of such experience.
Excerpts from my trusty psychology textbook:
Risk-taking is not the main point of sensation-seeking behavior; it is merely the price such people pay for certain kinds of activities that satisfy their need for novelty, change and excitement. In fact, many of the things that high sensation-seekers do are not at all risky. They enjoy high-intensity rock music, view sex and horror films, travel to exotic places, and party without drugs.
Sensation-seeking can also extend to the physical, involving unusual or extreme sports such as skydiving, hang gliding, scuba diving, auto racing, rock climbing and whitewater kayaking. An interest in participating in such sports describes one subcategory of sensation-seeking: thrill- and adventure-seeking.
Kesimpulannya, I am one of those high sensation-seeking people. I think it's high time I acknowledge and address the other side of me. I, for one, am thankful that I have a bunch of friends who are as crazy as me and are freakin' huge riskers too. The point is, I love actions/activities/sports that keep the adrenaline pumping and indeed, I am acknowledging this other side of me by coming up with a little something.
Here it is: The Other Side of Moi
It'd be nice to know if there are comments and for me to know whether you are a high sensation-seeking human just like me! :)
Posted at 24.9.05 by mizz_angie
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