I wonder whether this is a cause-and-effect phenomenon. Sometimes, all it takes is just a little something, a few minutes even, to completely change a person. I've changed. In some ways. For the better. I hope.


I have changed. I no longer am the take-it-easy girl I once was. I've grown to question and analyze a lot. Why must it be like this? What is going on here? When? Who's in it? How come? The questions are endless. Careful, I must be. Better safe than sorry, I'd say. Build up the defence walls, I must. And speaking of loading up on defence, I think I might have overloaded in that department. So much as to I've placed myself in the safe zone for far too long now. I have learnt not to allow myself get hurt. If I sense something or someone who could potentially hurt me, I back off. Backing off from someone is an acquired skill. Which is also why I am not feeling so sore as I thought I'd be over Brazil Boy's episode. I've moved on. Which reminds me of a very insightful conversation I had with a friend recently. I think I actually said that if my future bf were to leave me, I can actually look him in the eyes and say "Ok. Go on. See you around."


How's that for putting a brave face to the whole situation? I honestly don't know. Some might say that would make me a very cold person. My say: You have to be cold sometimes to protect yourself. So the guy decides to leave. Whatcha gonna do about it? Cry? Beg? Give promises? He's going to leave whether you like it or not. Because I have also learnt that it takes quite a bit for a guy to actually say 'bye' to the relationship. Girls, he has put great amount of consideration and thoughts it in so no matter how much you beg, he's never gonna come back. So which brings us back to "Ok. Go on. See you around." It not only saves you from embarassment, it also keeps your sanity intact. Why pursue something which has lost all its meanings?


You might disagree with me. But it is working for me. I've been backing off so much that sometimes it makes me wonder whether when the right opportunity comes a-knocking, will I still be able to step up to it, embrace it and live the moment.


Heh. Reflecting and pondering. Pretty deep stuff. Happy digesting!